Recently I read Reasons to stay alive by Matthew Haig, and was surprised to realise depression is different for everyone. Matthew said his depression and anxiety was overwhelming, and some days he wished he just felt nothing. Mine’s the other way around; I feel nothing. It’s like I’ve flat-lined and I try to do anything I can to feel something again. In my head, I can see it’s happening, I’ll shout at myself to pull myself together, to appreciate things, or get angry, or sad, or anything at all, but I can’t.
But, after reading Matthew’s book, and thinking about things, I’ve realised that everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and it’s finding whatever works for you. Here’s a few things that help me:
Distraction. I know it sounds simple, and I always thought it was the dumbest suggestion ever made, and it doesn’t work, but it does. It’s finding the right type of distraction for you. For me, I’ve found it’s talking to people I love, being more involved in the outside world, as much as I want to just retreat. Even if it’s just by text, or email, stay connected with people.
Saying that, you can’t expect other people to save you. They can’t make you happy. Only you can do that.
Accept it. You may feel depressed, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong, and it can’t be helped. Just accept it, watch it happening, observe it.
Try to keep moving forward, even if it’s the tiniest step, just keep moving.
Things will get better. I know it’s easy to focus on what’s happening right now in your life, and the future may seem pointless, but things will improve. You’re at rock bottom. There’s nowhere else to go but up. Think of your good days. How happy you were, how simple things were. There will be other days like that, even if it seems like you’ll never see another one again.